My spiritual journey has been a rollercoaster of sorts. The irony is while most of my family is deeply rooted in their respective spiritual walks, it has taken me a while to find my footing. Early on, my parents and I attended church routinely. The days of Sunday school, vacation Bible school and knowing random trivia about “
The days of Sunday school, vacation Bible school and knowing random trivia about “The Word” were quite thrilling.
However, things took a drastic turn after my parents’ divorce in 2001. This seismic shift caused my entire world to change. My best friend — my Mother — was ripped away from me and I was abandoned; surrounded by family, yet deeply rooted anger still boiled in my veins.
In retrospect, one of my most polarizing questions arrived: “Why would God let this happen?”
However, since then, my father and I bonded.
He often calls these days “2 Men & A Dog”— an offshoot of Two & A Half Men. Things were not perfect, but we had everything we needed.
My father’s teachings kept me both grounded and striving in a very positive direction. However, we stopped going to church. Not because he didn’t care about my relationship with God — we just stopped going.
There was a church we attended briefly — modern, comfortable and impactful. But the commute wasn’t feasible at the time for weekly ventures. I never held it against my father that we stopped attending church.
I never held it against my father that we stopped attending church.
Yet, my subconscious questioned: “Does God think less of us since we don’t come to His house on Sundays? Will I go to Hell because I’m not a consistent churchgoer?” At this moment, a seed — a void — was planted. I had so many questions, but I couldn’t seem to locate the answers. I recall attending church periodically, but nothing consistent festered.
At this moment, a seed — a void — was planted. I had so many questions, but I couldn’t seem to locate the answers. I recall attending church periodically, but nothing consistent festered.
I recall attending church periodically, but nothing consistent festered.
Over the years, I received numerous compliments regarding the way I carry myself and how I’m a fine young man. I’ve always deferred to my Father and family.
In truth, it was God. The Most High has always been there for me — in my darkest, lowest and highest moments.
The lowest: in high school, I started watching pornography.
While my peers made it seem normal, my wee hour trips to X-rated websites started to take a heavy toll on my young spirit. It was an addiction that I battled with privately for years. Truthfully, I haven’t come to proper terms with it until recently.
That darkness was a gray, melancholy cloud over what the world perceived as an immensely bright future. While the outward appearance was cheerful, there was a monkey on my back that continued to torment me.
At age 15, I was seriously contemplating suicide. Yet, I knew that my family name alone wouldn’t allow such an untimely departure from Mother Earth just yet.
All the while, I knew that God was showing me the pitfalls of free will and also the Light that was birthed from Inception — G.O.D.: The Gracious Outstanding Divine.
I’ve studied various methods of spirituality — one that stands out the most is the 5 Percenters.
Me being a hip-hop head, Wu-Tang has had a major influence on my life. Recently, I’ve been digging more into the 5 Percenters/Nations of Gods & Earth (NOGE) text. Between supreme mathematics and the supreme alphabet, it is understood through their lens that God is the Black Man.
It’s why the Wu have songs like “Better Tomorrow” and the same reason Nas says “Peace, God.” in many of his songs.
I have also combined a hint of Buddhism (meditation, zen, etc.).
I realize that I am NOT God, but merely a vehicle for The Most High’s message. Through my creative talents, personal interactions, family and friends, that ALL is possible.
Going into college, I was excited about starting a new journey. Despite how close I was to home, my experience at Christopher Newport University was an integral piece in shaping the man who stands to face the world today.
There were a few times I attended church, but something just didn’t sit right with me. A plethora of questions always raced through my mind when sitting in the pews: “How could this individual tell me how to live my life? What made them so righteous, and I so wrong?”
Attempting to follow in my Father’s footsteps, I cracked open the Bible and attempted to read it cover to cover — only barely breaking into Genesis after realizing this probably wasn’t the best route.
There is one memory that stands out — attending a mid-week Bible study.
Now, I did have an intramural football game to attend, and being captain, I couldn’t miss it. However, my timing was terrible.
I proceeded to exit right as they got into discussion about premarital sex.
The group leader noticed my lanky frame and crimson t-shirt. His eyes said “Do you have somewhere better to be?” while I did my best to play it cool, guilt and agony riddled my subconscious.
That was probably the place I needed to be more than anywhere in the world.
In recent years, I have come to learn that we must take our spirituality into our own hands. As a youth, I felt like a black sheep, a true outcast after my parent’s divorce — always seeking a way to fit in. However, it takes some hard lessons to realize that we all have our calling. Mine is artistry.
ACE: Accept/Create/Evolve.
All the while, I thought this was just something that brought me pleasure. As things have taken shape, I’ve been able to reach various audiences, captivate attention and monetize what is often viewed as too farfetched to come into fruition.
God and I communicate through my writing. Along with numerous daily conversations — silently and out loud — the gift of artistry has afforded me an opportunity to truly build my own unique relationship with G.O.D.
The way I connect through these mediums is a bit uncanny.
I used to be the “nice guy”, the pushover, the people pleaser. However, my outlook has changed. My strength and faith in GOD made me realize that I am KING.ACE.HOLMES.
The outside world may not see my crown, but it is present. GOD has taught me to walk in my greatness, evolving into an even better version of myself — ourselves!
WOOOO! Doesn’t that feel good?
I have come to the conclusion that we are wrong to trust the Flesh and Mankind. Again: I DO NOT TRUST MAN. MY FAITH IS PLACED IN GOD’S HANDS, 100%.
When life throws you a curveball, embrace it. Absorb the moment. Learn & grow from it.
I’ve learned to slow life down — not one day at a time, but one MOMENT at a time. God, time and love are the most precious gifts that we have while present on Mother Earth — please utilize yours accordingly.
All of the lessons, teachings and experiences have not gone in vain. At this present moment, I am happier than ever — family, a blossoming relationship and a career that is truly taking off.
None of this would be possible without God. The Most High has been there the entire time.
My journey into Mother Earth was met with slight resistance. I was three months premature and confined to an incubator for two months and now I stand to be 6’2”. Look at God!
Closing in on three decades of life, I’ve been shaped by certain experiences: ups, downs, joy, pain, addiction, vices and heartbreak. All the while, God was shining The Light to do better, to be better and to get the most out of our time on this planet instead of looking back and saying, “It’s too late…”
I am a living testament that in spite of ourselves, God reigns supreme. If we take a step back, observe our lives and all of the blessings that are present, we’ll be a little bit better in this journey.
Peace and love.
BABL 